So I'm at work, on the phone with a coworker who works remotely. She's really nice, but she's only a year only than me and pregnant with her third child, so, unfortunately, I have to hate her. I kid (bad pun intended).
Anyway, she begins telling me about the probiotic juice she's begun drinking, suggesting that I might find some at Whole Foods. Say what? It's 4:30 in the afternoon. I've got a mug of coffee and a big chocolate cookie. I found this both pathetic and hilarious. I mean, come on! You've gotta laugh at the irony.
I try not to be too hard on myself. When I was first diagnosed with PCOS, I went on a strict (well, maybe it wasn't that strict) low-GI diet for 9 months before beginning IUI. When that didn't help, and four IUIs didn't help, I kind of got lax, allowing myself a carb-laden snack or two, switching back to regular pasta because whole wheat pasta just ain't right.
I should preface this by saying I'm kind of scrawny to begin with. Oh, and right before TTC, I ran a marathon, ingesting carbs in solid, liquid, and gel form like . . . like I would have to give them up soon.
And there's another downside to my current eating habits. I kind of hate water. I can only drink it with meals, while running, or when it's hot. The last time fertile-probiotic coworker was in the office (before this pregnancy), she'd complained of being tired and I'd suggested she get a coffee. She instead chose a cold glass of water. That would not be my choice. That, in fact, sounds really boring.
Without going on and on (too late!), these incidents bring up one of the tortuous things about infertility--the "it's my fault" mentality. You know, "If only I drank more water and probiotic juices, I'd have a baby." I know that's not true. I know that I'm healthy. I know that after 2.5 years, my problem isn't that I have a cookie every day. But still, as I type this, I feel as if I'm a failure. I feel like some people will read this and think, "Well, maybe if you drank more water!"
Well, fine. I'll go have a glass of water. But I better get some results :)!
I'm curious to hear how others have dealt with nutrition during treatment as well as with feelings of control.
Well, personally, I freakin' despise water. My husband harps on me because he thinks that water is the greatest thing in the world. Me personally? I'd rather have a Starbucks or a nice Diet Dr. Pepper or Diet soda. yeah, really healthy I know.
ReplyDeleteBoth are off the menu right now, but while I was TTC, I didn't give either up. I just couldn't, it didn't seem right.
Oh, and yeah, I had cookies probably every day too ... major sweet tooth here :)
You've always hated beverages. I remember in high school you wouldn't even finish your juicebox! Poo on this woman talking about probiotics!
ReplyDeleteYou should just eat whatever you want. You're so healthy already!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the support, and glad to hear I'm not the only hydrophobe.
ReplyDeleteHey there...new to your blog! Couple things I want to touch...FIRST...isn't it just suck that we have guilty feelings about things we can't control? I don't have enough eggs and hubby has a low sperm count...throw in a chromosomal abnormality and away we go! Try not to feel that way...(easier said then done)..
ReplyDeleteWater...hmmm...heres what I do..take a pitcher of water...add fruit...(strawberries and oranges, limes, etc)...add jug of red wine..add brandy...then some sugar...VIOLA! DELICIOUS water-with some additives ')