Lemonade and Goldfish

Ladies, if anyone is reading, you've noticed that my blog has become really lame. I can't promise much better in this post!

First, everything is going well with the pregnancy. We had our NT scan Thursday, and all checked out--thin little nuchal sac, present nasal bone. Our baby (which the ultrasound tech affectionately called "the creature"), seems to prefer hanging upside-down like a bat. We did see him or her kick and gulp some amniotic fluid (and after much prodding, flip so the tech could see the face).

Physically, for me pregnancy has been a lot harder than I was prepared for. I've been hesitant to write about feeling sick. I mean, who wants to read about a pregnant woman being sick. I barely want to write about it! Nothing dramatic--just textbook morning sickness. Since week 6, I've been tossing my cookies about once a day, usually in the morning. And then, you know, wavering between hunger and nausea. The whole routine has helped me to develop some awesome habits. For the hall of shame:
-Most mornings I go through the McDonald's drive-thru and get a McCafe Wild Berry smoothie. The cold, thick drink really helps after hurling. And I might have cut off another car the other morning to get one spot ahead in the drive-thrue. And the staff might know me.
-I've stopped drinking water. I only drink lemonade. Mostly powdered lemonade, made really strong.
-Around 9:30 in the morning, I eat a large sandwich bag of Goldfish crackers.
It's been wearing me down physically, and I've had my moments of exhausted tears. I've neglected a lot of communication, including blogging, in the name of the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm hoping that light is a flashing sign that says week 14 (the magic week, so I hear).

But emotionally, for me pregnancy has a million times easier than infertility. A million times. I don't feel emotional, or angry, or moody. The behavior I hear friends and coworkers describe having in pregnancy--I can only relate because I've already been there. Again, for the hall of shame, I've already thrown things at my husband, and I wasn't even pregnant. I've already sat in a closet and cried, without even producing any extra progesterone. F'in amazing. I guess in a way, I've felt pregnant for two and a half years. Only now I'm actually having a baby, so it changes everything. I wonder if sometimes happiness is as simple as getting what you want.

No, I don't think it is that simple. But I'd be an idiot to think that I'd be this happy if I weren't pregnant.