First, life is good. I'm beginning to feel hunger as opposed to a feeling of "if I don't eat, I'm going to hurl." My mother painted the empty bedroom a sunny yellow.
I've been pondering this post for a while. A question I was a little surprised to get from three coworkers was "So, was the pregnancy planned?" Hello, ballsy question! All good though, as it gives me an opening to say "Yes, very, very planned--we tried for a long time," because if I asked that question, that's the answer that would make me feel a little better.
Now, here's the kicker. Yes, this pregnancy has been a long time coming. But as far as planned? I don't know if that's the right word. In the beginning, we had plans. We even had the time of year planned. We had a plan for childcare: In March 2008, I worked for a small, failing company, which actually no longer exists. I planned to leave work and freelance after having a baby. Everything seemed perfect.
But when things didn't happen, we obviously abandoned those plans. At the end of 2008 I left my job for a promotion. The move was laced with uncertainty--what if I got pregnant? What would I do? When I still wasn't pregnant in the summer of 2009, I started working on my master's degree. Again, was that the right move? At the same time, we moved forward full-force with fertility treatment beginning in January 2010. We kept our lives moving on two tracks--so much planning, yet so little control.
Two weeks ago, when the fog of morning sickness began to lift, we began in earnest looking to the future. We've begun touring daycares, and I think we've settled on one that we like. But I can't say I'm totally OK with the decision. I love my job and I can't imagine not having it. But I just don't know if I'll be able to juggle job, baby, and writing my master's thesis.
For a baby who was so anticipated, I've got to say, we're so, so happy, but we really don't have a plan :)!
It never fails to amaze me the questions that people have the nerve to ask, as if they have any right to the answer!
ReplyDeletePlanning is all good & well, but equally valuable is the ability to roll with change. All you can do is what you think is best for your family!
Wow...agreed that that's a ballsy (and, IMHO, rude) question!
ReplyDeleteI love your answer to your co-workers question :)
ReplyDeleteAnd don't stress about the going back to work part just yet. You'll have plenty of time to worry about that while you're out on maternity leave. Seriously :) But definitely get the daycare situation squared away, JIK.
Glad all is well xo